Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
