Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
