totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
