So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Please don't give away my fajitas
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
