"it" just moved
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
