you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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