I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
