im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
