you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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