So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
