i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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