I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
