The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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