Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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