I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
