i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
