There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
