the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize