I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
