what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize