Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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