Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
