what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
