So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
