Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
