I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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