He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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