I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
