and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
