We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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