So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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