i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
