Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
