im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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