You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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