i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
smell my finger.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
