he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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