farters have to be the big spoon...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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