im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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