I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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