Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
