K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
