doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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