It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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