did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
