ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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