he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
