Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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