There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
