The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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