Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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