You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
