I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
