Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
