I am spending my child support on dildos
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
