Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize