I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
