Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize