Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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