Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
