you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They have beer where we have blood.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
