I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
