I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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