Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize