did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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