I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
