He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
