...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
