last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
