what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize