sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
