I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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