Me. At least after what I've been through.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
