Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
